Friday, April 16, 2010
Overnight, she went from a 'needing' baby to a toddler...what is that one moment when they take that step and feel confident enough to take another and then another...soon, she'll be running! Then, before we know it, she'll be walking down the aisle...to graduation from high school, college...marriage. I know, I know...there's so much life in between, but having been through raising three children of my own, I look back, and it seems like it was just yesterday, they were 'needing' babies, then in school, then graduating...
As I was driving home last evening, listening to Dahlilia, a woman was requesting a song for what it's like to be a grandmother. To Dahlilia's knowledge, there wasn't one. It got me to thinking; what would this song say? What is it about being a grandmother that seems so different from being a mother? How do I feel about being a grandmother? How do you feel about it...what words would you use to describe it? Are you inspired to be better?
One thing that happened upon becoming a grandmother, is it put into perspective how it felt to my mom, my ex-mother-in-law, my mother-in-law, my grandmother and my great. The 'silly' (my perception) things they did or the things they said, that kind of made me mad, I find I do and I understand completely. I say to Makenna, "how's grammy's girl?" A similar sentiment was said to my oldest daughter, Courtney, "How's grandma's dolly" and it would put me in a tail spin...now, I understand the love, the pride, the intense feelings behind those words. It has more to do with the love for this little being, than it does 'ownership'. I understand now! Oh, how I understand!
I'm also reminded of all the things from my childhood that are now special thoughts, special memories; I find I want to replicate that for my little granddaughter. Tea parties, aunts and uncles and cousins all around...all the time. I want her to know her Great grandma and have the same close relationship with he,r that I had with my grandma Grace. I want to plant a garden with her and see her expressions at seeing it come to life. Camping and picnics, fishing at the pond. Making dolls with flowers and making flowers with tissue. Letting her concoct in the kitchen. I want to share it all with her, and with each new day or time spent with her, I'm reminded of something new. I'm inspired to be better.
To see the world through her eyes,- is a reawakening in me. To see a bug and watch it crawl along. Will she be as thrilled with doing that as her daddy was? I want to teach her to read, and to enjoy the small things in life. I want to sew little girl outfits again. I enjoy seeing her little face change. More hair and another tooth change her whole look each time I see her. To hear her giggle...I especially love to hear her giggle. Her eyes light up, she's just plain silly! Makenna does this little thing...she shrugs her shoulders and it's so darn cute. She also scrunches her face up, seeming to say, "I'm cute" and she is. She watches our every move...she's quick, she's alert...well, you know, she's just plain brilliant...there it is, I said it and I've written it.
The toy aisles...I've always hated the toy aisles...not so much anymore. I look at Barbie dolls and baby dolls. Will she be a girly-girl...so far, she kinda is. But, I find I want to buy her farm animals and barns, too. Play-doh, and sidewalk chalk...or, just a plain old limestone rock would do. Then again, I'm reminded of pots and pans to clang around on. Dandelions under the chin and Mother Goose stories. I sing her the songs my children's grandmother's sang them. "You are my sunshine", "Bushel and a Peck". Finger games: Fly away Jack, itsy bitsy spider, and more. I want her to know the songs and stories of Jesus. She needs to know these things, I think...I know! I want to make sure she knows these things. I'm inspired to be better.
To snuggle and cuddle. To have her reach around my neck and pull me close in a hug...oh~my~gosh! An overwhelming sense of love can take over my heart...sometimes I want to cry, I love her so much...so much that it hurts my heart.
Each and every day, many moments in my day, I think of Grammie's Girl and I miss her. I want to see her. I want to be all I can be for her and to her. I want to be a better person, I want to be a better mom, I want to be more alive and in the moment. Makenna inspires me to BE all these things. I love her!